


A Ship from Omicron Ceti III

by Crouching Queer (Subarucomet)



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Pollen, Wade wilson is a shit head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:52:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subarucomet/pseuds/Crouching%20Queer
Summary: Obligatory sex pollen fic.“Wade?”Wade ignored Colossus, pressing closer to the stain and inhaling deeply. The smell was sharper, made his head feel a little light for a moment. He was vaguely tempted to lick it.“Don’t—” Colossus said warningly, sensing that Wade was about to make an incredibly stupid decision.





	A Ship from Omicron Ceti III

**Author's Note:**

> I have an exam left yet here I am. Title is a reference to the mother of all sex pollen fics, Star Trek: The Original Series

The ship was cramped, ceilings low and corridors barely wide enough to fit the span of their shoulders as they walked together. The light from their flashlight pooled yellow and warm in front of them, illuminating another interminable stretch of hallway that branched out into more rooms. Wade's tired and pissy by this point: there are obviously no survivors left here, and he's missed his Golden Girls reruns.

"For fuck's sake, Colossus. The ETs are either dead or gone and all this alien shit reminds me of my Green Lantern days.” Wade shuddered in faux-horror, feeling the hilt of his katanas dig into the back of his head. Those were dark, dark days, now thankfully rewritten.

Colossus raised his hand to silence Deadpool and paused in front of a door. He adjusted the flashlight in his grip, pointing it at the far wall. There's a dark smudge there, like a burn. It's the first sign they had seen of anything actually wrong in this labyrinthine ship.

“Be quiet.” Colossus whispered, ducking beneath the head jamb of the door, but not far enough because his metal buzz-cut scraped against it with a sharp, bone-deep shriek.

Wade didn't even bother to make a comment, Colossus looked embarrassed enough and he didn't want to piss off the guy who decided what alien guns he'd get to keep.

Colossus leaned forward hesitantly, trying to ascertain the cause of the stain. It didn't look like soot or burnt metal from up close, but there was an odd texture to it, like congealed blood. He retrieved a swab from his belt and gently wiped it against the wall, careful not to touch it with his hands, and placed it into a sealed plastic baggy.

It's then that Wade smelt something, faint and dull beneath his mask: fetid musk and decay, like the inside of a teenage boy's room. It was curious, hidden beneath the layers of stale recycled air and metal. What he wouldn’t give for Wolverine to be here, with his sharp senses and his even sharper jawline. Well, they’d have to make do, budget cuts were a bitch and Hugh Jackman was busy doing musicals. He rolled his mask up over his nose, and sniffed the air.

“Wade?”

Wade ignored Colossus, pressing closer to the stain and inhaling deeply. The smell was sharper, made his head feel a little light for a moment. He was vaguely tempted to lick it.

“Don’t—” Colossus said warningly, sensing that Wade was about to make an incredibly stupid decision.

It was a pity that Wade had the impulse control of a drug addicted toddler. He reached forward and scooped a dollop onto his fingers. He was about to push it into his mouth when Colossus grabbed his wrist. A drop of the liquid, which was a clear faint pink, melted from his fingertip and smeared against the skin of Colossus’s bare metal hand. He didn’t seem to notice. 

“Are you insane?” His hold on Wade’s wrist tightened enough to hurt. He sounded scared. The concern was sweet, if misplaced.

“I’m wearing gloves, Colossus. And I’m also literally unkillable so I doubt some death jam on a wall is going to do anything to me.”

Colossus still looked concerned, face pinched and posture stiff. He crowded closer to Deadpool. “Wade.” Colossus said, Deadpool’s name oddly thick in his throat. “I don’t feel—” He lurched forward, falling on top of him. The flashlight slipped out of his hand and onto the floor with a dull clatter and all Wade could feel was how hot Colossus was to the touch.

“Hey, you okay there? Cause if you vomit on me, I’ll actually stab you.” Colossus trembled, body curled around Wade in a mockery of a hug. “Jesus. You feel like an iPhone charging. ”

Whatever was on the wall was probably responsible for this deserted ship and now it was inside Colossus. Wade tried to push him off and reach for their med-pack but ended up smearing more of the liquid on to Colossus’s bare skin. A tremor went through him and he fell limp and letting his entire weight rested on Deadpool’s body.

This was not good. How the fuck was metal skin even permeable? Why did Colossus wear overly revealing tank tops? Thank fuck he wasn’t in his pants-less, glorified lingerie comics’ get-up.

Wade struggled with the zipper on the back of Colossus’s shirt. Was he dealing with an infection? He needed to check. He didn’t bother trying to keep the liquid off Colossus’s skin. The damage had been done and right now his priority was figuring out what the fuck was going on.

Colossus was surprisingly amenable to being stripped, barely protesting as Wade tried to pull the skin-tight leather off of him.

Jesus. That was a thing he’d never thought would happen.

He’d managed to unzip him but Colossus was too close to him for the fabric to fall off like it was supposed to. He patted Colossus’s bare shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner and said, “Colossus, I need to look at you.”

Colossus whined at that and pulled off his shirt jerkily. His co-ordination was shot in the awkward, terrible way of the desperately horny. Wade finally understood. It was one of those stories then. He should’ve figured that out when they were called on to check in on crashed UFOs. That shit-storm was always the Avenger’s business. And only the two of them were sent on a potentially dangerous mission. Fucking porn logic.

Colossus didn’t seem to understand why Wade was trying to push him away and curled his arms around Wade’s shoulders, pressing Wade’s head into the broadness of his metal chest. Wade felt something large and hot rub against his stomach. It took a moment for his brain to catch up.

“Is that a gun in your pocket or has your consent been abrogated by an ad hoc plot device?”

Colossus moaned in response and ground his hips against Wade’s abs. The latter it was then, unless Colossus had a gun in the place of his dick like Cable did.

“Come on, buddy. Let’s try not to do something that you’ll regret.”

Wade carefully manoeuvred Colossus against the wall, feeling breathless. Colossus was a dead weight, incongruously malleable in his hands, leaning into Deadpool’s space, so close that Wade could make out the dark fan of his eyelashes and the metal stubble on his cheeks. Jesus. He didn’t need to watch Queer Eye to appreciate art.

Carefully, Deadpool, pulled off his gloves and reached out to stroke the hard line of Colossus’s jaw, trying to memorise that catches and imperfections of Colossus’s skin with his fingertips. Colossus threw his head back against the wall with a resounding boom; his face scrunched up, half lit from the fallen flashlight. He looked good like this, the light caught the ridges of each muscle, highlighted the bulge in his pants. He was holding Wade by the shoulders but he didn’t try and pull him closer. Colossus was trying to say something; it was mostly unintelligible but Wade managed to catch “Wade—Wade, please.”

Huh. Colossus was a real damn hero. He was still thinking about Wade’s comfort. If that wasn’t love, what was?

“Jesus Fuck, you don’t have to beg.” Wade smoothed a hand down Colossus front, feeling the trembling pulse of his heart against his fingers. “I’ve been trying to get you to fuck me for the better part of two movies. If anything, I should be asking to touch you.”

Colossus inhaled, hitching and deep, and it’s almost like he was crying with relief. “Thank you—Огромное спасибо.” His voice was deep, exultant with gratitude. Wade's face grew hot behind his mask, he'd never heard worship in someone's voice, especially directed towards him. It was a feeling he could get used to it.

Colossus reached out to cup Wade’s cheek and pressed his large thumb against the seam of Wade's scarred lips, rubbing the swell of Wade’s bottom lip gently with his unnaturally smooth skin. He’d calmed down slightly, as though the promise of release has taken the knife’s edge off of his desperation.

Wade opened his mouth and sucked Colossus in. Colossus tasted like blood: warm iron and salt. It wasn’t appealing but Wade hollowed his cheeks and sucked anyway. God knows he’d had way worse things in his mouth. Colossus choked, like Wade was sucking his dick and not his fingers.

Wade pulled back, just to check. “Wait, you aren’t like actually a virgin are you? Because I would be both flattered and honoured to pop your metal cherry.”

Colossus groaned. “Do you never shut up?” He said, voice fond and lust-hazed. It was rhetorical. He knew Wade wouldn’t shut up even if he was dead.

Colossus’s hand were still on his face, rubbing against his cheekbones and the dips behind his ears. It felt weird but Colossus was intent, staring at Wade with hunger so palpable it was frightening. He must like the texture, Wade thought dumbly.

“You look like you’ve broken into my cocaine stash.” Wade said.

“I think I’ve found something a little bit stronger than that.”

It was then that Colossus leaned down and kissed him. Was he just compared to a Class A narcotic? Colossus knew how to sweet talk a guy.

This kiss was heady. Colossus was hard and insistent, and he kissed with an endearing lack of finesse. His hands framed Wade's face, forcing his head up at an uncomfortable angle. Colossus was tall but Wade had never really noticed it like this before. Wade had to stand on his tippy toes and he felt like he was back in Junior High again, trying to plant one on the mysteriously de-aged, former Disney mouseketeer Ryan Gosling. He was a weird kid with weird fantasies. Sue him.

Wade must have been trying to say that aloud, because it was then that Colossus murmured: “Be quiet, Wade.” Colossus sucked Wade's tongue into his mouth and grabbed his ass.

Holy fuck. He didn’t expect that.

They broke apart because Colossus needed to breathe but his hand remained firmly on Wade’s ass. Wade felt vaguely like he should say something about tables and turning but Colossus had seemed to predict he’d open his mouth again and picked him up and ground their hips together to prevent any further interruptions.

Colossus was a _motherfucking sex genius._

Colossus hands slipped beneath Wade’s suit and he pulled it off, baring his skin to the sultry night air. His fingers stroked along the length of Wade’s spine, before settling on the dip of his tailbone. “Beautiful.” Colossus whispered.

“Of course, you’d say that you just wanna fuck me.” Wade wasn’t bitter.

Colossus kissed him again, slower and softer and this time and pulled the mask off Wade’s face completely.

“You are.” He said with such a ringing finality that Wade had to believe it. If only for a moment and because, for once, he wanted to. “But I do want to fuck you.”

Colossus reached behind them and scraped the congealing gel off the wall and spread it on his fingers, checking the consistency. It was slick.  _Multipurpose_ , Wade thought,  _very narratively convenient._

Colossus pressed his index finger against the Wade’s perineum, circling and soft. Wade felt a prickle of something, a ghost of what Colossus must feel. His skin felt tight, stretched too taut and thin around his body. Every scar dragged against the fabric of his suit. He was burning. He leaned back and pulled his shirt off, pressing his back into the slickness behind him.

Oh god. That was a bad idea. The sensory input was overwhelming. There were Colossus’s hands, burning a brand on to his skin. Too cold and too hot. Touch. Touch. Touch. God he needed to be _touched_.

“Fuck— Fuck me, Colossus. Oh my god, please. Fuck, are you like consensually roofie-ing me?”

He barely heard himself. This felt worse than dying. So much worse.

Colossus’s fingers were in him, inside him, long and thick and not enough. Never enough. There wasn’t enough of anything. His body ached, like he’d been stabbed and put back together hastily. There were parts of him missing that he couldn’t regrow. He was empty, and all that he could feel was the pulsing echo of blood in his veins, drumming in his heart, pulsing in his dick. Sweat prickled his skin as his veins dilated, rose to the surface. A full body blush that radiated from his chest up into his neck and down his thighs.

“Colossus, fuck—”

The world narrowed: the cold wetness of the wall behind him was melting into his back, the hard line of Colossus’s body pressing into his front. He could feel the brushed metal of the walls scraping against his skin. He was livewire, a conduit.

Colossus adjusted his hold on him and Wade could hear the wet sounds of him slicking his dick with the liquid.

“Come on. It’s free real estate.” His legs tightened around Colossus’s waist and he pushed himself against the wall and used the leverage to roll his hips against Colossus. “You can’t hurt me.”

He must have finally gotten through to Colossus because finally he could feel the head of Colossus’s dick against his hole. God, yes. Colossus fucked into him with a sharp jerk of his hips and he was impossibly large. Wade moaned, high and breathy and circled his hips. The head of Colossus’s dick pressed against his prostate and Wade’s dick leaked pre-come, wet and hot onto his stomach, smearing against Colossus’s skin when he leaned forward to kiss.

They weren’t going to last. Wade tucked his face into the hollow of Colossus neck and jerked himself violently. His tongue traced the cords on Colossus’s shoulders, trying to taste sweat, something familiar and human. He needed just a little more—

Colossus’s bent forward and kissed him, sloppy and wet, their mouths soft and loose as they fucked. Their breathing was erratic, pained: all gasping, hurt breaths and half-moans of pleasure so sharp it pricked hot as pain.

Wade came viciously hard, with Colossus pressing into his prostate just as he inhaled. Colossus followed him, whisper quiet as Wade clenched around his dick.

It was done.

Colossus pulled out slowly and lowered Wade to the ground. He looked confused, and he opened his mouth to say something but stopped before the words could come out.

Wade could understand regret. He’d expected it. It still hurt though.

He bent and picked his clothes up, barely feeling the stretch in his ass anymore, which was probably for the best.

“Wade—” Colossus must have sensed something was wrong.

“Hey, big guy. I won’t tell anyone. For all the X-men know, you’re still as a big of a tight-ass virgin as the rest of them.”

There was a beat of silence. “Да, but I was hoping not to be. You looked like you were having a lot of fun on the bottom. You want to help?”

Deadpool almost tripped as he tried to put his suit leg on. Colossus’s back was towards him to give him some facsimile of modesty but he was sure the trick bitch was trying to hide a smile.

“Fine, but only if I get to finger you with the sex pollen too.”

Colossus laughed. “I was hoping you would.”

This was shaping up to be the beginning of a great night.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are love
> 
> also random aside, I just watched the Golden Girls and I can see why Deadpool loves it. (Bea Arthur is a gem)


End file.
